Eyes on the Ground

Photo Credit: annie_merrill via Compfight cc

After spending a refreshing morning stroll in a local park I realized that I spent most of my time staring at the ground in front of me. I admit I regularly allow my focus to be on my feet and the ground when I walk. Perhaps this is due to my need to be prepared for ultimate challenges, or just an innate need for control. I challenged myself to take in my surroundings for the rest of my walk. I focused on  looking at up at the configuration of the trees ahead of me, took a look at the kinds of birds that flew in the area, I took in widescreen mental notes on as much of the landscape that my eyes would allow. For the last 2 minutes of my walk I felt more reinvigorated and inspired than the first 30 minutes of the walk.

I’m now wondering how often I allow my focus on the challenges of the present to take away from the inspiration that comes from the choreographed perfection of the journey. Even though, at any given moment I can find myself struggling with a myriad of personal deficiencies, situational persecution, relational misunderstandings, if only I allow myself to see the beauty of my journey towards personal maturity, the reinforcement of my closest relationships and coinciding growth of those around me. I can find inspiration in that.

Take just 2 minutes and look at the beautiful tapestry that is your journey!

Love people, manage systems

Edvardo Archer is the founder of Anchor Point Family Services (APFS). At APFS we work with individuals, professionals and leaders that are seeking to breakout of the pattern of emotional exhaustion and find internal and external balance. Click here to learn more.

If THIS was suppose to be easy then why have others failed before me?

In high school I competed in some regional health service competitions. My area of specialty was sports medicine, as this was probably the closest that I would get to an actual football field.

In order to progress to nationals all I had to do was complete a simple written, oral and skills test. And let me tell you…I had this one in the bag. Multiple choice exam (*yawn), oral test (nailed it), wrap some mannequin’s foot (really? can someone give me a challenge?).

After breezing through my exams I strolled out of the testing area, into a hall way where my teacher, Mrs. Kissel, was waiting.

“How was it?”, she asked.

“It was pretty easy. Actually, I think I did extremely well.”

“Well, Edvardo, don’t forget if it was easy for you, it was probably easy for other people.”

For a second I thought that her statement was a quip towards me or perhaps a lack of trust in my abilities. Though, the one thing I remember clearly was my mind cycling through my preparation and attitude. It was only after a couple hours that I realized I was both under prepared and over confident! Sure enough, I did not place and did not progress to nationals that year.

Little did I know, Mrs. Kissel’s statement went beyond that instance and had significant life implications. I revisited this statement when I sat for my SATs. It came back up when I applied for college, and when I later asked my wife to marry me.  Even now, the lesson resounds loudly as I launch my private counseling practice.

Am I under prepared and over confident? This question leads to the next: If (*blank*) was suppose to be easy then why have others failed before me? If marriage was supposed to be easy then why are 60% of marriages ending in divorce? If social work was supposed to be so fulfilling then why do most people change careers after three years? If I’m supposed to love who I am then why does shame and guilt torment me when I let myself and others down?  If (*blank*) was suppose to be easy then why have others failed before me? You fill in the blank.

If the surmounting reality of your situation is hitting you like it hit me in high school, here are 4 things to remember:

1. Be sober. Accept your situation. The difficulty of your context doesn’t dictate the outcome.  Therefore, the answer to your issue isn’t finding your next “emotional fix” simply because emotions have no influence on outcome. So, remember: You are in the situation, the situation is difficult, difficulty does not dictate outcome.
2. Surround yourself with the standard. The greatest deception of life difficulties is to make us think that we are the first and only people that have ever experienced such difficulties. I want you to realize there is nothing new under the sun, everything has been done before and there are people that have found the technology to succeed against it. Other people have paid the price and emerged successful, access those people and learn from them.
3. There is power in PACING yourself. You are involved in a process not a task. Realize that the issue at hand is something to be dealt with over an extended phase not a moment. The war is one battle at a time. Let go of the outcome of each battle and focus on your internal conviction that already defines you as victorious. Stop stressing about next week’s battle, relax…
4. If it was easy then it wouldn’t be as valuable. Realize that it is the battles that give us the grit for the war. It is life’s pressures that forms our internal muscle to push forward. The brightest days only come after darkest nights. If you learn this, you will also learn how to relish and love the fight.

Feel free to leave your thoughts or email us

http://www.anchor-point.org

​

​

3 Reasons You Need an Anchor Point

I’ve spent years dreaming about starting a counseling practice. Among the many nuanced details, one of the biggest challenges was looking for an adequate name. After some time the name “Anchor Point Family Services” surfaced. The more I reflected on the name the more I realized that Anchor Point pushed beyond a catchy cliche and  began to define me as an individual. It describes the internal structures that ensures  that my decisions are solid. Beyond the work that will happen within the walls of my practice, EVERYONE should find an anchor point for their own lives.

​

Please click on the picture below to learn 3 reasons why (use the left and right arrows on your keypad to navigate the presentation)

If you want people to succeed don’t make it so difficult

Any person that works in human services is bound to have “success” as a key indicator in their work. We are going to want to see people succeed. That success maybe a person transitioning from poverty to middle class, graduating high school, or saying please and thank you. Some transitions are harder than others and some more important than others.

But we don’t realize that our passion to see change and desire to see success can actually work against those we serve. If we find ourselves too dependent on results we can find that our methods become too “teacher focused”. We then resort to using ourselves as the benchmark for our learners. Rather than having our learners “memorize” our best practices let’s instead have them internalize our best principles.

Here’s how we do it:

Social Class Competency Part 3 of 4

This training will take a specific look at understanding the poverty class. It will define poverty, social class rules and practical tools for resource parents, partners and mentors.

Part 3 covers the social class rules.

Social Class Competency Part 2 of 4

This training will take a specific look at understanding the poverty class. It will define poverty, social class rules and practical tools for resource parents, partners and mentors.

Part 2 covers the causes of poverty and a definition for poverty.

Social Class Competency Part 1 of 4

This training will take a specific look at understanding the poverty class. It will define poverty, social class rules and practical tools for resource parents, partners and mentors.

Part 1 focuses on a training overview and biblical perspectives

Breathe Into the Ground Part 4

We must gain sight into the individual processes of our residents and become strategic through wisdom on how to implement a plan.

For 6 years I worked as a live-in Resident Advisor in a residential program for young men that have aged out of the foster care system. For months at a time I was given the opportunity to invest into the lives of over 20 young men. I’m sure the experience brought more maturity in my personal life than change in those I mentored. In my time there, I wrote a manifesto that outlined my approach to mentoring. I find these ideas also apply to parenting and mentoring. Here’s the last installment:

Our Heavy Ear Dilemma

“For this nation’s heart has grown gross (fat and dull), and their ears heavy and difficult of hearing, and their eyes they have tightly closed…” Matthew 12:15 (AMP)

In his day Jesus knew the processes that the people were engaged into and how that process impacted how they would respond to his “breathing into the ground”. From this place of understanding Jesus knew how to accurately build according to the type of terrain they provided. In this same passage Jesus shares his approach to building due to the current state of the people, “This is the reason that I speak to them in parables” Matthew 12:13

In the same way we should connect this to our responsibilities as RAs. We must gain sight into the individual processes of our residents and become strategic through wisdom on how to implement a plan.

To Jesus the heavy ear dilemma was characterized by the people listening but never hearing. The symptoms included the people’s inability to really understand the wisdom coming from authority and an inability to see beyond the reality of their own lives. According to studies done in developmental psychology, teenagers still think in concrete terms. They have a hard time thinking about the future or about things they have never been exposed to. In other words there is a great tendency to be very tunneled vision. Meaning that they only see what they want and are unable to see the bigger picture. An example of this is if you give a young person a computer they will find numerous ways to entertain themselves but chances are they will not get around to completing that resume. If you give them an extra $100/month they will always have new clothes but probably cannot see themselves buying a car in two years.

In our residents a heavy ear runs rampant. It can be seen as:

Consistently engaging in fantasies	Preoccupation with video games	iPod infatuation
Social Media infatuation	Engaging in self destructive behaviors	Entertaining destructive relationships
Inability to comprehend and execute faith	Consistent numbing of themselves	Fairy Tale expectation of relationships

Speaking in parables becomes Jesus’ solution to the heavy ear dilemma presented by the people of his time. It is very interesting how Jesus always used language that connected to what was important to the population that he taught. In front of the working class he used illustrations such as agriculture and fishing (Matt 13), before tax collectors he spoke about investing (Luke 18), when speaking to Pharisees he used the law (Mat 15).

Paul’s adventures in expanding God’s kingdom are a great demonstration of the use of parable language.  He talks about this in his letter to the Corinthian church,

“For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win the more, and to the Jews I become as a Jew, that I might win Jews; to those who are under the law, that I might win those who are under the law, to those who are without law, as without law (not being without law toward God, but under law toward Christ), that I might win those who are without law, to the weak I become as weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some.” (1 Cor 9:19-23 NKJ)

The purpose of parable language is simply to mobilize what you have to say. This is the technology that brings understanding to heavy ears. More important than our residents following through with the lessons that we give them is that the lessons we impart sticks with them. It is important that we sow seeds that will sprout at the time of their inception and years after they have received it.

This principle was the same that God used to communicate with us. In order for the Creator to communicate with his creation he became his creation. It was through Jesus that heaven’s wisdom touched earth’s rebellion. Likewise we must begin asking questions of how can we make heaven touch earth.  This is done through our ability to make things practical, concrete and on their level so that they can fully understand the lesson to be taught.

Breathe Into the Ground Part 3

A good place to keep our minds would be to understand that we are not building for today we are building for tomorrow.

For 6 years I worked as a live-in Resident Advisor in a residential program for young men that have aged out of the foster care system. For months at a time I was given the opportunity to invest into the lives of over 20 young men. I’m sure the experience brought more maturity in my personal life than change in those I mentored. In my time there, I wrote a manifesto that outlined my approach to mentoring. I find these ideas also apply to parenting and mentoring. Here’s the third installment:

The first RA: God the creator. continued…

3. The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground 4. and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, 5. and the man became a living being. (Genesis 2:7)

Extracted Principles

3.   God’s understanding of his resident.

The subject receiving God’s breath was very clearly defined. God used dust from the ground, God knew it was dust and the dust knew that it was dust.

3. Our understanding of our residents.

A frustration to mentoring is when the resident does not understand what position they are in life. More frustrating, I imagine, is when the RAs do not know where the resident is in life. This requires several things: 1.) Time– we must spend time with the residents to learn what is current in their lives 2.) Sight– we must really seek God for each resident to see where they are and where they are going. 3.) Communication– make sure your residents know where they are in their process. Give them sight where sight is needed. If your resident is a ground of stony rocks that must be clearly communicated, if they are being chocked up by thorns then they must understand that that is something that they are specifically susceptible to, if they are good ground then they must also understand their 40, 60 or even 100 fold potential. At the same time use wisdom, in other words, learn to be strategic. We will discuss this later.

4. God breathed out life

Every breath of God was life. God’s ability to speak was as effective has his ability to act, in fact they were one and the same. As he spoke so it was. Therefore, His breath held great importance and was not wasted.

4. We breath out life

Our advice, our mentoring and our word should never be taken lightly by ourselves or by our residents. It should carry a weight to it and deeply move the internal structures of those that we mentor.  Our breath should not be simply wasted by murmuring, complaining or nagging. We will not engage in a power struggle with residents. Instead our words and actions should be positive, strategic, purposeful and always consistent. Our young adults will not always respect us but they will know what we say is what we mean.

We are always breathing out life to our residents. This means that we are always looking for opportunities to build each resident. We do this by promoting progression in the lives of our residents. (Which isn’t always a comfortable task for us or them)

Because you are engaged in a long term mentoring relationships with your residents you will usually find that your life giving work has more to do with the pruning processes. Majority of your difficulties will come from your work of taking away the unnecessary excess that your residents try to hold on to.  These excesses include procrastination, lack of responsibility, lack of cleanliness, poor money management, laziness, and the list goes on. We realize that in order for them to be productive after SOSI or to have life they have to cut off these excesses. We are the iron that sharpens them. (Prov 27:17)

We also build in love. According to acclaimed relationship specialist, Dr. John Gottman, it takes 5 statements of affirmation to balance out 1 negative statement (www.gottman.com). Therefore, love is the undertone that we use when we bring life through pruning.

5. God’s Strategy

The purpose of man was clear and the breath being administered was simply a tool to help the subject towards a clearly defined purpose. God’s emphasis to detail was not the instructions of what the purpose will be, in fact the instructions of purpose were very general, instead the emphasis to detail was placed on the process of the subject becoming fully man.

5. Our strategy

A good place to keep our minds would be to understand that we are not building for today we are building for tomorrow. Brick by brick we are laying down life lessons, we are consistently breathing out life, we are advising and directing. All this not for a currently confused 19 year old but rather for that future 30 year old father and husband for that 27 year old mother, for that 40 year old minister or future director of Spirit of Success Institute.

For this reason we must become strategic or wise. This does require that we develop our relationship with God. Becoming strategic is actually very simple all it requires is that you hear God and obey. Hear and obey. What our lives begin to look like are people who are constantly praying, in fact, we learn how to pray while engaged in a conversation with our residents.