In high school I competed in some regional health service competitions. My area of specialty was sports medicine, as this was probably the closest that I would get to an actual football field.
In order to progress to nationals all I had to do was complete a simple written, oral and skills test. And let me tell you…I had this one in the bag. Multiple choice exam (*yawn), oral test (nailed it), wrap some mannequin’s foot (really? can someone give me a challenge?).
After breezing through my exams I strolled out of the testing area, into a hall way where my teacher, Mrs. Kissel, was waiting.
“How was it?”, she asked.
“It was pretty easy. Actually, I think I did extremely well.”
“Well, Edvardo, don’t forget if it was easy for you, it was probably easy for other people.”
For a second I thought that her statement was a quip towards me or perhaps a lack of trust in my abilities. Though, the one thing I remember clearly was my mind cycling through my preparation and attitude. It was only after a couple hours that I realized I was both under prepared and over confident! Sure enough, I did not place and did not progress to nationals that year.
Little did I know, Mrs. Kissel’s statement went beyond that instance and had significant life implications. I revisited this statement when I sat for my SATs. It came back up when I applied for college, and when I later asked my wife to marry me. Even now, the lesson resounds loudly as I launch my private counseling practice.
Am I under prepared and over confident? This question leads to the next: If (*blank*) was suppose to be easy then why have others failed before me? If marriage was supposed to be easy then why are 60% of marriages ending in divorce? If social work was supposed to be so fulfilling then why do most people change careers after three years? If I’m supposed to love who I am then why does shame and guilt torment me when I let myself and others down? If (*blank*) was suppose to be easy then why have others failed before me? You fill in the blank.
If the surmounting reality of your situation is hitting you like it hit me in high school, here are 4 things to remember:
- Be sober. Accept your situation. The difficulty of your context doesn’t dictate the outcome. Therefore, the answer to your issue isn’t finding your next “emotional fix” simply because emotions have no influence on outcome. So, remember: You are in the situation, the situation is difficult, difficulty does not dictate outcome.
- Surround yourself with the standard. The greatest deception of life difficulties is to make us think that we are the first and only people that have ever experienced such difficulties. I want you to realize there is nothing new under the sun, everything has been done before and there are people that have found the technology to succeed against it. Other people have paid the price and emerged successful, access those people and learn from them.
- There is power in PACING yourself. You are involved in a process not a task. Realize that the issue at hand is something to be dealt with over an extended phase not a moment. The war is one battle at a time. Let go of the outcome of each battle and focus on your internal conviction that already defines you as victorious. Stop stressing about next week’s battle, relax…
- If it was easy then it wouldn’t be as valuable. Realize that it is the battles that give us the grit for the war. It is life’s pressures that forms our internal muscle to push forward. The brightest days only come after darkest nights. If you learn this, you will also learn how to relish and love the fight.
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